It was bound to happen sooner or later, and it’s happening now… My mouth has gotten me in trouble. What with all the Real Marriage surprises and some other confession of sin, I feel like this is one of the hardest times in my life that I have ever gone through AND I am currently without one of my closest friends (due to aforementioned stupid mouth). Life is hard. There are more and more moments in which I wish that I could just hole myself up and not talk to anyone other than my husband and child. Yes, I still hurt their feelings, but the emotional devastation that I am going through right now is so much bigger than… Well, it’s just really big. I fucked up and I know I fucked up. I knew it as soon as I opened my mouth. Before the words were even spoken. What the hell is wrong with me? Why must I hurt the people that I care about so much, but then I am not even capable of speaking truth to people that have actually offended me in some way? The last few days have been full of self-loathing, condemnation, name-calling, and a host of other unhealthy mind crap. I’m an emotional mess, and yet, at moments, I feel almost empty inside – As if there is nothing in there worth revealing. I go back and forth from anger to absolute devastation. From mind-numbing contrition to self-righteousness. 

There is so much more going on right now than I feel like I can actually handle, and I don’t even know what or how to deal with it. I know that I have the strong shoulders of Jesus to put my burdens and pain on, and that my husband is always here for me, but the person that I want to talk to about everything else that’s going on is the one that I have wronged.

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